Blue Lake being all that – a charming small town with a great school, close to the uber-charming Nor-Cal college town Arcata (the redwoods, ocean and rivers too), you’d think I’d stay forever, right? Just keep on living in Dana’s house with my mom and have my nieces and nephews down the street and relax into a life there.
There are a lot of reasons why I needed to move, but one of the biggest is that Blue Lake bred the guys who killed Dana. At least two of them are from the area. Added to that, while we know that the police have the names of their suspects, the suspects are still at large. They have not been found nor taken into custody.
So, the guys who killed my brother were raised there and are living around there still.
Another reason is that Humboldt is getting scary to me with the presence of SO MANY DRUGS. It’s not “just” pot; it’s meth, and a lot of it. It’s dabbing and honey (- concentrated forms of marijuana) that just knock your brain out of your head. With those drugs come guns – Dana was killed by tweakers (people who are meth addicts), and those guys had easy access to guns.
I don’t want that for my kids. I don’t want my kids growing up in an area so saturated with it all.
When we went back to Hawai’i last November because we couldn’t bear to spend Thanskgiving (Dana’s favorite holiday) in California, I knew the minute that I stepped off the plane that I wanted to move back.
That feeling deepened the longer we were there – I wasn’t scared with the kids playing in the grass or bush because – unlike on the Lost Coast with scorpions, ticks, etc – I know what to be scared of. I mean, I was raised in the Pacific, both South and North. I know what to be scared of. I’m not walking around nervous all the time.
And so many memories in Hawai’i! So many good ones with Dana. Us having fun, being kids, then getting through high school and college together. Working hard together. Dana and his wife Jeanie and baby girl Yu Han and I all living together. I mean, the memories – they just go on and on in Hawai’i.
Not where I was born, not where my family is from, but it’s home because of the memories. At this point, I almost desperately need the healing that comes from a mind’s eye resting in happy spaces and warmth.
This whole entire past year – from November 2016 until November 2017 was gearing up for the move. I knew I was aiming in that directly long before my marriage imploded – the plan was to leave the Lost Coast in December (2017) and leave. But with the divorce, I had that extra move to Blue Lake with the kids first.
Which brings me to one other question that a lot of you have asked: how are the kids?
They are absolutely fantastic. They have been emerging from some kind of cocoon these past few months and are happier than I’ve ever seen them.
Every piece of the move to Hawai’i was made with the kids. Because of the divorce and the huge changes that had been shifting their lives, I wanted to make sure this was something that we were doing together – not just me telling them had to do it because they are my kids. I was really clear with them that we could stay in Blue Lake – we didn’t need to move. But if they did want to move, Hawai’i wasn’t the only option – we could move back to the Bay Area.
They chose Hawai’i – Micah’s only stipulation was that he wanted to move after Halloween, because he wanted one last Halloween in California. With that in plan, I just worked hard at trying to line things up for a move, finish the divorce paperwork, sifted through all of our possessions, and so forth.