I wrote a really long post about telling our own stories, and I want to stick with that theme for a few days, because I think it’s an important one.
So. I was messing around with the fitness apps on my phone. I was thinking of what a failure I am, STILL with the same apps! I have accounts on some of them that go back *gasp!* to 2011! And it’s not so much that I have the same apps that made me feel like a failure; it was that I haven’t mastered the stuff yet. I’m not running marathons in this sleek, fit, 10%-body-fat muscular vehicle of mine (yet).
I sighed and moved on to my spiritual apps.
I moved them around on my phone screen, different locations and was re-visiting some of the ones I hadn’t touched in a while when it suddenly occurred to me that my sets of spiritual apps and fitness apps are exactly the same in my use of them. The only thing different was how I viewed myself.
I felt like a total failure with the fitness apps.
But I felt pretty damn good about the spiritual apps.
I mean, I don’t meditate every day, I don’t have the spiritual stuff down any more than I have the fitness stuff down. I’ve got 30% body fat and I’ve easily got more than 30% emotional/ego/messed-up spiritual baggage. I mean, the two are no different.
Yet I was feeling like a failure with one because I’m not out there running marathons, and I feel like a winner with the other because, holy shit! I have come SO FAR! And I KEEP ON TRYING.
So, I thought, that’s it. I want to look at the fitness apps and the fitness stuff the same way that I look at the spiritual stuff. I mean, I do really KEEP ON TRYING. I try and try and try! I care about my body and I care about my soul. I keep picking myself up and trying, and isn’t that pretty freaking awesome?!
I’m Re-Writing that Story
My previous story was that I quit a lot. I failed because I didn’t get to the end of a trajectory that I plotted out. My new story is that I am tenacious. I persevere. I keep trying.
I’m not a failure because I haven’t gotten there (yet); I’m a success because I remain interested in things that matter to me.